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Soft Hits

by Ashby & the Oceanns

/
1.
the insects are singing in the summer heat, grass grows through the sidewalk beneath your feet, its another hot day in the city, youre walking to the coffee shop on 18th and you can hear the song of the cicada through your open bedroom window tonight yeah you can hear the song of the cicada say your reborn and all is alright. yaknow ive got skin thats paper thin its decayed and it hangs like a mask it takes a lot of courage just to go from a to bo lets meet and drink coffee on sunday a man followed me home last night, and asked if i was gay he said i looked like an army girl, and he asked if i could stay. dead skin, dead skin, we all have a chance to begin again, dead skin, oh dead skin
2.
if you need to be reminded, i thinking your doing well, everyone needs a reminder that theyre doing well yeah every day is just one day, and theres more on down the line it can feel so bleak but i think were doing fine we work a lot just to make a buck we love a lot just have a fuck if were lucky we might have a little luck but most days seems like were fresh out, alone yeah most days its so lonely and cold if you need to be reminded, i know that you are loved theres love in every molecule that holds your body up and i think you are courageous and beautiful and strong it feels so bleak some times, but promise itll be alright even if i dont believe even if i had to try with every fiber of being to not break down and cry x 2
3.
we were friends when summer came slept in your car, on the stateline and we got drunk, fell into the pool we were friends, we were friends never going to be that way again never going to look at you that way again we were friends when summer came now all thats left is this dress the one i wore in the back of your car before my parents knew we were friends never going to be that way again never going to look at you that way again when we were friends, when we were friends movie marathon, two chord summer song, it went on and on, when we were young, not a care in the world, not a care in the world, i couldve been your girl, i shouldve been your girl hormones and youth will all come to an end, but i really miss when we were friends. safe space, unknown, we had no plans, im sitting here missing when we were friends.
4.
5.
Split Ends 02:43
i know they are only split ends, but i want them back, though they were damaged beyond repair they were still part of my hair and i dont care, i want them back. cus when your hairs short you get misgendered, even long hair's no guarantee but it hink id feel bettter if i tried, after all, gender is only the effort you put in, two years can seem like nothing, someday feel sjust as low, even though i know im better off, feels like i have nothing to show i know they are only split ends, but i want them back. lets move to the counry, and lets stay together, lets live a small life, in a queen size bed and i wont have to wonder what you think of me, and i wont have to worry, i wont ever go back there i know they are only split ends, but i want them back
6.
Calm Waves 02:58
im almost good enough im almost happy with my self im thinking good thoughts and pushing the boulder up the hill what do you want? what do you want from me? im almost happy now, i feel in control, i can feel the calm waves, i can the bad ones go i want to impress you, but mostly, love me, yeah mostly, love me, and not want to change myself im almost happy now, i feel in control, i can feel the calm waves, i can the bad ones go i know its hard to feel like youve made progress ive got big arms, but i cant swim (i can feel the calm waves wash over me)
7.
Summer Girl 03:14
i never got a college degree, hope you think im interesting my hands are hard from manual labor, still hope you think im pretty i wanna be your summer girl i wanna lose my sense of self, i wanna feel complete i wanna be somebody else, lay my old self at your feet this summer felt different, sun on my skin yeah this summer, felt so different, itd feel good to win
8.
let's drive a uhaul to the center of the earth lets get an old dog, and watch it give birth, to art, life with an easel, and anything that'll please you, whoah oh we got places to go i think i learned my lesson not to move too fast, but this time feels so different it feels built to last, love spills, like coffee, in my lap, so i signed a piece of papers, and rented a uhaul for a day. let's drive a uhaul to the center of the world, behind the steering wheel, your summer girl, no Wait, no Hurry, we'll pack the truck in a hurry, whoah oh we got places to go. its okay if we get a few months in and realize all the fun is gone, leave me broken and hurt, my face in the dirt, ill say "it was good for a while, huh?" and you'll sing "let's drive a uhaul, one last time, you'll drive your way and I'll drive mine, we won't see eachother, anymore, it'll Be just like before, just like before.
9.
Wasted 03:29
the winter mornings in our bed, hearing the sound, the sound of your breath all of the time we had is wasted, wasted the effort that wwe both put in, i threw away on just a whim, all of the time we had is wasted, wasted i thought that we would feel good forever, but the feeligns didnt last that long i thought that i would feel this good forever and ever but all that time was wasted all along. i asked you to accept, who i was and what i wanted all of the time we had is wasted, wasted i asked if you were okay, as i sent you on your way, all of the time we had is wasted, wasted maybe its not wasted if we both learned something maybe its not wasted if it was another step maybe its not wasted if were both moving forward maybe you werent wasted on me after
10.
its been three years with a chip on my shoulder saying bad things about the ones i love family is so complicated, but i really wanna rise above it i dont wanna sing sad trans songs anymore in the life, theres gotta something more, something so much more i wanna be an optimistic soul, i have so so long to go but id rather try, than get stuck spinning the same old same old, the same old songs. its been three years id like to say i changed changed my face, my body, or maybe just my name i can pray for change but its the same me everyday its been three years, what have i learned when the relationships bad, its time to burn all the photographs delete the path at the source theres a place and theres a time, to sing sad songs and have a cry but i wanna believe im buildin on something here a hurting heart, a long sigh, broken strings, still i try i wanna believe im building on something here

about

Cassettes Now Available at sustainchicago.com/products/soft-hits-ashby-and-the-oceanns

Back in April, 2016 I moved to Chicago. This is a collection of songs I wrote over my first summer in the city. A lot of the songs are about my last couple relationships and finding closure during a really tough, stressful transition in my life.

The songs were written and recorded at three different houses in Chicago. One where I stayed a month in a small room with an inflatable mattress, one with a few dogs and a couple of drum kits, and finally, the quiet house I live at now... Oh, and one song was recorded on a pitchy piano in a garage somewhere.

It's also the first album where I played most of the songs live months before recording, so the songs have been changing and growing, and hopefully the album is stronger for that reason!

I'm glad I get to release music that people will listen to! I hope everyone enjoys the album! I'm glad it's done! I'm ready to move on to some different, exciting stuff! Uhm, that's it!

credits

released November 8, 2016

Ash Barker- Guitar, Bass, Drums, Keyboards, Vocals, etc!
(All of the songs were recording using Audacity, and a shitty HP laptop that is on the verge of crashing!)

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Fake Gamer Records Chicago, Illinois

sad/weird queer & trans songs by Jamiee Ashlynn Barker.

To support my work: linktr.ee/fakegamerjamie

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